"You know, ever since we were little,
I would get this feeling like I'm floating outside of my body, looking down on myself.
And I hate what I see. How I'm acting, the way I sound.
And I don't know how to change it.
And I'm so scared that that feeling is never gonna go away."
- The Edge of Seventeen

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but as the new year came around I was someone who believed that it meant a chance to become a completely new person.

Let's rewind for a second as I share more about the experience I had through each stage of grief. When I lost my father last May there were a lot of factors at play that helped keep his spirit alive. I gained new family members who made me feel as if he wasn't truly gone. I don't remember much from that summer, it truly is a blur when I think back on that time of my life. I just see how happy I was to have another sibling to annoy for the rest of our days. My grief hit me hard once August rolled around, and I like to refer to that time as my dark days. I fell deep into my depression and anxiety.
Every morning I woke up wondering if I'd ever make it out alive.