January 13, 2015


I can't believe that I am about to write this..
I will be 25 years old by the end of the month.
{ whaaaaaaaaat?! }
Yes, I have survived 25 years on this planet - so far.

Turning 25 feels more symbolic to me than the year I turned 21 - a part of me feels like this is the year to stop making dumb choices that lead to stupid mistakes.

Dumb choices and stupid mistakes.
Both have led me to believe that this life of mine is not worthy of using the word 'proud' in the same sentence as 'my life'. I have never felt proud when I reflect on my life.

I used to be a dreamer.
At the young age of 16 years old, like many teenagers eager to grow up, I dreamt of the days of being an adult and paying my own bills. I dreamt of becoming an accomplished creator inspiring others with my works of art - I dreamt of changing the world.
.. & now I am a soon-to-be 25 year old stay at home Mom.

I hate to admit this, but if someone would have told my 16 year old self that I would be a stay at home Mom by the time I was 25.. I probably would have laughed in their face.
It used to break my heart that this was my life. I would stay awake at night wondering how I got to this point and try to find ways to make myself feel like my life was more than being just a Mom. I wanted to be successful like the stories I would read about others my age - I'm talking about you Veronica Roth, writing Divergent at the age of 21. I wanted to be changing the world by inspiring others through my works of art, like I once dreamt of.

I say those things above using the past tense because those thoughts are not what I feel now.

Starting this new year - I decided not to make any resolutions.
I decided not to think that just because it's a new year that I would somehow magically change.

I did decide on something else.

I decided to open my heart.
I decided to open my eyes to the full picture of what I see every day, the FULL picture of my life.
.. & there were many things I soon realized - many, many things.

How could I have ever thought that my life was not enough?
How could I have ever thought that I was not the dreamer I once was?
How could I ever think that my life was something NOT to be proud of?

I may not be an author of a best seller.
I may not have a job that helps hundreds of people at a time.
.. but I do have a really important job.

I am a Mother.

I am lucky to be given this amazing life to raise people to become something great.
I am able to inspire these little ones.
I am able to help them grow.

I am a Mother.
I am enough.


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